Life Is In A Mess

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Dear Diary..

" One of the worst feelings in the world is loneliness. Sitting in the dark by yourself in the wee hours of the night gently crying. Nobody knows what's going on with you. How could anybody realize what's happening? Everybody you know is resting peacefully in their bed awaiting the new day tomorrow. But for you, there's no difference in the days. They pass monotonously. And before you know it, it's all gone."

I finished scribbling at
;11:45 PM

Dear Diary..

I just lose all my confident and courage to do anything. I felt like just a flicker of you can make my world fall apart. Perhaps i really love you too much until i am like trying cherish every single moment with you, pushing away everything just for you.

You draw the line so clean so clearly, i am going to respect that i am not going to even think about crossing the line. You make me realise i am so needy of you, which is bad.

I'm still holding on even though it is hurting so bad because i cannot bare to leave you. We do sound like we are together but we are not. Waiting for you to get back your studies to get on track BUT....

You just said your grades ain't that good and unable to get into local university, my whole world came crushing down, is it indirectly telling me: "You can slowly wait already!"

Alot of thoughts come into my mind and i know i need to swallow all of them.

I finished scribbling at
;11:20 PM

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Dear Diary..

I tried i really did try but i guess things didn't work out for us. You said you want to study and you still love me but we are not together. You said you care for my feeling too much thats why you choose to let go.

It takes two hand to clap, i love you whole heartedly but i guess its too late. I shall take all the blame because its me that made things go this way. I dont know why i just keep tearing, its just over.

I finished scribbling at
;11:03 PM

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Dear Diary..

I still can't forget the days we are together i really cannot bare to let you go. I realise how much you meant to me, every place we used to walk past seems to hold memories in me it really aches me. I cried everywhere i went, this is how much you meant to me not just accompany. You really make me feel wanted feel like im like the best boyfriend. Thinking about this really put pain in my heart.

Perhaps i'm still new to relationship, i thought it is about showing how much you meant to the other by how much effort you put in. I was so dead wrong that i made a biggest mistake in my life, i have freaked you out. Now i think back of what i have done i felt so stupid, i should have just give you some space to cool down first rather than spam calling you and keep messaging you those nasty message and even to the extend of going to your house.

Everyone made mistake, i just hope that you will able to see it that its all due to how much i have loved you that i made those mistake and most of all forgive this mistake i have done.

I learned alot of things like to be understanding, need to put confident in your partner, not trying to burge into their life and demands it your way and most of all everyone need some space. Hope i get the chance to prove it to you again.

I finished scribbling at
;7:24 PM

Monday, July 18, 2011

Dear Diary..

Just ended my first serious relationship, all the memories i had is really sweet and nice i have never taste in my life. I really thank you for the bottom of my heart for all the things you did for me like making the card accompany me during my birthday to USS and we took tons of picture together. Looking through the pictures it some how make me tear because of all the good and tough times that we been through just ended like that. Such a pity but i know i have to move on no matter what.

Don't look back because its just memories but instead look forward to see what is my next step.

I will become stronger and strive to become better in terms of academic and my life.

Thank you again for everything.

20 March 2011 - 18 July 2011

I finished scribbling at
;9:39 PM

Friday, June 03, 2011

Dear Diary..

It has been a long while since i last updated myself. This is the only corner where i can express myself clearly without restriction. I been through my NS with a great blast thanks to all my good friends that i had. It really makes my NS tough and yet enjoying. I do miss those days in camp where we do lots and lots of things together. Hope that we still are able to meet up once a while to do little catch up.

Been working since i ORD, life in the company is kind of boring but looking on the bright side, there are people that are working even longer hours and in even harsher condition they did not even complain. I think i really should not complain much about my work, all i will do for now is work hard and hopefully the marketing bonus will get taken away as i really do earn quite a lot from it.

Lastly i got myself a girl friend, i am really really very happy to have her as my girl friend. She is like the nicest things i had gotten myself so far. I really do love her a lot, i even don't mind making a sacrifices for her. You said you putting your studies as priority, i do accept and respect that. I really do!

But deep down within i hope i can get more attention from you not literally we going to meet up everyday and not chatting every time on the phone. Just a simple call or sms will be good enough. Whenever i saw you are active in twitter and facebook, it somehow make me think how i hope you are giving me that attention.

I just want to discuss with you on regards to my studies but i can see that you are rather not interested and making me feel that i am stupid that i never put studies as priority. I value you a lot thats why i consider you as a factor of my choice. I'm not sad, i'm just purely disappointed because now i know where i stand in your heart.

I finished scribbling at
;12:44 AM

Monday, December 08, 2008

Dear Diary..

Tommorrow marks the day of my passing out parade in tekong, its have been a tough 3 months that i have endure from the usual half left down to field camp. Every single moment seems to be like so memorable, my friend that i we have suffered together and have fun is all coming to an end. We all will be posted to different unit and by chance we will meet again in the near future.

I am feeling kind of demoralise and sad because tommorrow at the parade everyone love ones or friends will be around to celebrate with them. Look at me, i will be all alone. I can't share this joy with anyone and after the parade everyone will be rushing to find their love ones, i think i can slowly take my time to go up the stairs and wait for the ferry to come.

But what can i do, just going to survive this through alone i guess...

I finished scribbling at
;10:57 AM

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Dear Diary..

it was crushed;torned and broken;

I am happy and sad at the same time, oh well i think things is suppose to be in this way.

All i can say is good luck.

I finished scribbling at
;6:41 PM